I just love this whole exchange in "Hooked on a Feeling"!!
David: Bert, let me ask you something? What if it had been Agnes in this situation? Wouldn't you have tried to get her out of it - wanted to help her?
Bert: Well, Mr. Addison, what I wanted to do, and what I actually would have done would probably be two different things.
David: How so?
Bert: Well, sir, while meaning no offense, I consider you and I very similar……
David looks askance at Bert.
Bert: What I mean, sir, is we're both men - compadres….traditional, old-fashioned guy's guys who'd like to take care of our women - solve all their problems.
David: Yeah, so?
Bert: Mr. Addison, Agnes would have me singing soprano if she felt I was inferring she couldn't take care of herself.
David: Hmmmm……think I got a taste of that particular knife last night!
Bert: Yeah……it's part of this whole eighties thing. And I'm not saying it's easy. But sometimes you just gotta step back. See if this makes any sense - sometimes Agnes wants me, and sometimes she needs me. Sometimes Agnes wants to need me, and sometimes she needs to want me. Sometimes……..
David whacks himself on the side of his head, and makes a noise like his brains rattling…..
David: Bert, what the hell are you talking about? That makes as much sense as a horse wearing a dress. Try again!
Bert: OK, to simplify, I let Agnes know I am there for her if she needs me, but unless she's sick or in danger, I tread carefully before I barge into her business. I respect the fact that she is smart enough to know when she needs and wants my help.
David: But you're a couple. Why is there her business and your business?
Bert: Boy, you really are new at this relationship stuff, huh?
David gives him a look that would dry paint.
Bert: I think that life would be pretty boring if every two people who fell in love traded in their individuality. Do you wanna give up your Saturday night poker games for Miss Hayes' yoga classes? Why would you want to change Miss Hayes? Isn't what makes Miss Hayes Miss Hayes what you fell in love with?
David looks at Bert and shakes his head.
David: And a small, hairy man shall lead them……
YAY Bert!!